Lex, 17, forever alone, Canada. i love my mary its what keeps me sane. Dont be afraid to drop by and say hi,, stay lifted lovelies.
So sweet an escape, the last breath of air so calm, yet sad, the sigh of despair thoughts that run through her head scream so loud she holds back her tears because she is so proud. Gone are her younger whimsical ways. the careless haze in which she spent her days Now she rushes trying to occupy the hurt so dead inside, he killed her self worth every time he’d just feed her his lies she cries and dies as she looks in his eyes so she takes another breath, so sweet so right she laughs so of the dark situation she makes light, but laughing alone cant tame the pain, and smiling so sweet wont make her sane, she just closes her eyes and pretends no one there, His mind games are just to much to bare, Still just a child, but acts like she’s old, gone is her innocence, she’s become to bold.
how bright the moon shines sparkling in the night, though she gets little praise, she brings much delight, she quietly whispers to all who listen, selfless, as few acknowledge her glisten, all she wants is to happily give, helping others as they unwarily live, She longs to shine like her lover the sun, together in the sky they would be one, but hiding her face throughout the day, and living in the darkness only, is calm, peaceful, and pleasant they say, but oh so very lonely, sometimes she’s seen throughout the day blending into with the sky they say, but although her face is shown in the light, people only acknowledge her at night, so she falls with the suns rise, when everyone must close there eyes, so she bids the world a small goodbye, as she leaves the sky with a parting sigh
So sweet the calm that feels so right, the day has gone, here comes the night the moment when the world stops turning a moment so many consider wrong, but its the time I’ve been yearning, I’ve loved it for so long the moon a beacon of sacred light so different from the day and though she tries with all her might every dawn she must go away but while in the sky so high, and is watching over you, its impossible to not just try to make your dreams come true and every morning I mourn her so, though I know she’ll return, I’m so sad to see her go, its the night for which I yearn
My minds commit suicide, it left me long ago, I thought at first it’d only hide shows how little I know I thought I believed in you and me, together always caring, but now my minds gone I can truly see and I’m left alone despairing, my minds killing me unfair my body lives as it dies, why cant it just scream quietly or tell my body soothing lies I’m ready to call it quits, off myself and finally let go, I’m at my ends wits, my final thoughts for you to know. i’m tired of all this lying i’m done with all this deceit, happiness i’m no longer trying, into the darkness I retreat ill miss you all my souls aching, it needs to be sent away, and with it my hearts breaking, in this eternal night ill forever stay
A blend in love is what I want, a selfless love I don’t need to flaunt, a great love, that no one knows, so on with the love it so flows, a love like ours doesnt need to be loud, for then others will notice and it wont be so proud, quiet and calm our feelings maybe, but that doesn’t mean that we cant see, how amazing we are with no one around, because our love doesn’t make a sound, but does it need to, for it to be heard, but for anyone but us to hear it would be absurd, a love that stands out gets thrown to the ground, and gone is the spark, no where to be found, but a love like ours, that blends in so nice, we can be together, with no secret vice, for no one bothers, with what’s already right, lets start our blend in love tonight.
I just want to scream, and break your pretty face apart Split it in two like you did my broken heart, what is love, but deceit heartache and lies? One person lives, and the other person dies, It’s just a fairy tell, meant for you not me, Ill never be so naïve again, why couldn’t I see, I was right all along, I couldn’t trust you, Told me you loved me but couldn’t see it through I’m so mad, I just want to scream, You made me care I thought we were a team, But I’m not mad at you because I still love you so No I’m mad at me ill let you know, I’m so hurt it feels like I’ve been hit, I give up goodbye, I quit
one goodbye is all I need before I plant the final seed to my destruction my final end, my own goodbye I do send, for living is for the strong, and evoking your own death is wrong, but I am not strong, i’m very weak, and in death, its peace I seek so slow my blood flows, its so unreal, so sharp my blade against my skin I cannot feel, so red the blood, it looks so sweet, so rough the rope where it and my skin meet, though i’m not high up I feel so tall, teetering up there I know I will fall but i’m not scared i’m strangely calm. Cause this is what I wanted all along
pain, searing through my veins, almost numb, the way it pain, not quite hot, and not quite cold, this metallic pain it seems so old. my knife so right against my skin, at this point happiness is a sin, to be happy, how sweet it be, but happiness was never meant for me, death is what I wish for, my one true want, and if I were to receive it my death I would flaunt, to take ones life is always wrong, but is it a sin if I don’t belong, I would never let you leave, you just cant die, and when I do angels must never cry, whether I stab, or cut, or jump, or fall, just remember, ill miss you all
The clouds stir angrily, fogging my mind, all my thought are blurry, when they were so well defined. could it be the pain, the one only I can feel, that sharp and searing pain, that only my knife makes feel real, but along the horizon a thought makes it through, and with this thought comes an image of you, so soft and so sweet, I long to see the day, but for your own good, in the night I must stay, so quickly I must tie my knot, one last on at the end, so I may make my descent, so please forgive me my friend, I pop the pills so sweet, they glisten down my throat, without a second thought, I do not leave a note. For anyone who would find I would tell right away, that because you’re in the day, in the dark I must stay. For it doesnt make sense, to leave when I want you so, but so you can be happy I understand I must go.
Cut so deep and let my blood run, the numbing process I have begun not to kill but just to maim this physical pain I must maintain to keep my mind from what kills me so and in my heart of hearts ill always know to stop the voices that scream so loud, and the hurt and depression that is so proud and whose screaming just wont quit, dulling my humour and my wit, so sharps my blade that it does so calm as I gasp in pain as I cut so long, I never thought pain would be sweet but so sweet where my blade and skin meet. if only it didn’t push those away then people I care about who not leave, they’d stay but alas, as sure as my blood will flow, and people will say they’ll stay, then go but it is my fault as i’m well aware. These people don’t disappear into thin air they go because I force them to I push and push until there through so here a request you all can see please everyone just let me be for you see it’s a circle of pain, with the loss of a friend I quickly gain. Another swift cut from my blade, I trust it so for it’s my only friend who has yet to go.
Sleep evades me, my dreams aren’t enough, Holding back my tears is getting just so tough, A life worth living is what I want, Confidence and pride, with something to flaunt Someone to talk to someone to care, Someone to tell me that life’s not fair Instead I have no one, a life lived alone, Going through the motions, a robotic drone, Suicide a thought so common practically a friend So constant my thoughts to make it all end. Something sweet in this world of pain No longer this image can I maintain In my dreams at least there calm A rightness in all the wrong, But sleep evades me, my only sanity And as it goes as does my humanity My only wish is to sleep longer Making my sanity grow stronger For then if I remain awake There is less of me up for stake And if I were to sleep forever My pain and agony I would sever So calm and quiet I can be Please sleep don’t evade me.
The day grows old sunlight fades to grey; it’s only the circle of life you say? And flowers once blossomed wilt away, it’s reoccurring day after day, the death of anything though sad it may be from song full birds that fly free to the majestic leaves of the old oak tree, is sad but necessary. For it’s the circle of life you say. As it is that my life goes away. using this rope so tough to end my day, my sunlight that fades to grey, ill stand on this stool so tall and close my eyes before I fall, nothing I can do for my ending to stall, nothing to enjoy, I regret it all, so ill take one step so happy so gay, and as my eyes close so does my day, in a permanent night I shall forevermore stay. It’s only the circle of life you say.
Have you ever seen the sun rise bringing hope to the dark skies Its how I feel looking in your eyes Some truth in all the lies
Will you save me be the sanity in my chaos, Will you be there to see And find me when I’m so lost Will you understand the meaning in my glance Its ok you put me in a trance
Like a comet lighting the sky so bright Lying in your arms even wrong feels right. So dark and colds the night, then you bring me my light.
Will you save me be the sanity in my chaos, Will you be there to see Please come find me, I’m so lost Will you understand the meaning in my eyes Its ok you see right through my lies
The dawn breaks loose and I can’t help but stare Your beauty so breath-taking its not fair, The sun light catching a smile so rare, Its moments just like this, I know you care
Because you saved me Were the sanity in my chaos, you were there to see came to find me, when I was so lost you understood the meaning in my soul Its okay you made me feel so whole Cause you saved me, Your my sanity.
How loud the silence roars, When the voices just wont quit, Anxiety flowing out her pores, Not enough is her beauty or her wit, to keep the one she holds so dear, why cant she rest, and the pain just end, she’ll never be your best, never more then just a friend, how she longs for closure just to know her heart pounds so loudly in her head why cant you just tell her to go, “I don’t want you” so easily said, Let her end her life, so sweet so calm, she needs it, So selfish , so right, but yet oh so very wrong, and until her last breath life she must fight. Will this pain end with her, her emotions finally numb, and with one more breath a blur, her last action so brilliant, so dumb.
Though in the east the sun does rise and it does set in the west and streaks of orange pierce the skies above my sacred place of rest, the beauty of it piercing, stunning ,calm and leaving a halo of bright light and softly mourning the day whose gone and out she comes the moon so bright So forgiving of her betrayal Pale, and quiet is her sorrow though blazing is her trail and in the sky she remain, until her soft tomorrow though her death will evoke no tears those who worship her will tearlessly cry and though she’s wise beyond her years, she can not help but try to live her life a better way, for living in the shadow only and hiding her face throughout the day is peaceful but oh so lonely, She longs to feel special, needed, someone who knows she’s there and though her warnings are never headed all that’s wanted is someone to care
I’ve completely lost my sanity, its going day by day. If only I could change it to vanity. I could make it go away.
Everyone is against me, there’s no one left to care, maybe this is meant to be, maybe I am meant for despair,
and the one person who loves me so, I can’t even be around, for I can’t let them know my sanity can’t be found.
Maybe I’m meant to be alone, just me and my heart ache, If I turn my heart to cold stone, it will be sure not to break,
or maybe if I take this noose I tied so tight and slip it around my throat, though its rough and frayed it just feels so right, ill mention that in my note,
My final goodbye written on paper, for everyone I hold dear, a so long, I told you so, I knew id not last my 18th year, but just so you know.
As I stand on this chair so tall, and I think of what to do, and though I’m afraid to fall, I’m doing this for you.
Why cant I close my eyes and cry, why cant I just not try, love is fairy tales and lies, So broken once that love dies, I miss you so you cant even know, just to run and just hide, with no one by my side, and no one around me, but how can that be, My throat so tender, soft, and warm, my knife so filled with scorn, and a need to create my pain, but in it I also gain, a numbness that last so long, like no drug you’ve been on, for deaths mercy is sweet, and when you and death meet, the music, soft yet rough, its life’s final bluff, cause nothing in life be nice and breathing its own vice, and death so final and complete and so me and death will meet in this final hour, I use my final power, to finally end this suffering so bad and finally rejoin my dad.
Close my eyes as my worries fade, Responsibility I must evade. For my actions to shameful to much of a sin, so plain and in sight, my excuses wearing thin, “If you leave who will look over he?” He’s a big boys, he can live he can see, “If you die, you know he’ll cry” Yes, but who has cried more then I? I need to end this pain so rough, to close my eyes, to say it’s enough. To take that knife, hidden under my bed, so death and I can finally wed, to pop the pills so small and strong, how dare you tell me my death is wrong? as I tie my noose so tight, so painful yet so right, I can finally rest, as I wish to do, to meet my death a dream come true, I love you so much, more then you know, I’m sorry, goodbye, I got to go
Suicide a surrender so real so sweet, and in a moment a process will be complete, as I take my final step of this chair, and my feet dangle helplessly in thin air, with a brital snap my neck shall break, no more pain, or violent heart ache, I’m finally free of this world body and mind, no more of this happiness that for my heart pined, love is no thing although true it seems, but belongs in naive women’s dreams, but naive no more for I cant be though my eyes will be open they shall not see, I’m finally gone, at peace at last, forgiven are all my mistakes of the past just this one remains a forgive less sin, but forgive my thoughtlessness of becoming deaths kin, but the pain was to deep, but the pain would not end, and no fallen angel did one send it teaches a lesson, that we all most learn young, a lesson I learnt only as I hung, you can depend on no one, only just you, listen to no one, tell yourself what to do, for if you count on another to carry your heart, soon they will have to leave and depart, but you heart can not go, though it hardly seems fair, and meanwhile my feet dangle in thin air
Close my mind to kill my dreams use my pillow to muffle my screams, pull my trigger and end my sorrow today was my last tomorrow
Hide my eyes to end my fear comfort in knowing the end is near more comfort in death then ever living this kind of taking to myself I’m giving,
to close my eyes this time I’m ending no more of myself can I be pretending, that my pain doesn’t hurt, that my pain doesn’t last, yesterdays tomorrow was my last,
cut off ties trust with your lies speaking the truth through your mouth, lying with your eyes soak my heart in novocaine, forever ending this unbearable pain With a thankful sigh my lips will part forever stilling my beating heart
In the summer rays The breeze so gently sways the trees branches so bold, though still at roots so old, and in a moment so rare blowing away all despair, the breeze so soft and calming this feeling I’ve been longing
The flowers newly in bloom and then there gone to soon, like a painters pallet, they stand tall, but only moments then they must fall so delicate and so light these moments feel so right so sweet and so calming this feeling I’ve been longing
The cooling summer rain, so simple and so plain though gentle and slight in motion it longs to be an ocean with waves as vast as trees and in its rolling seas would hide away worries heading this feeling I’ve been needing
And even the summer storm leaving nature in its morn but leaving behind no sorrow, and a promise for tomorrow to be fresh and aware with a soft careless air, and the clouds slowly receding, giving me this feeling I’ve been needing
So all and all quite calm and nothing can go so wrong Though calm or violent the storm may be though still or swaying be the trees the feeling still right here and to my heart I hold so dear, these feelings so slight and calming these feelings I’ve been longing
Though dark the night, the stars do shine, Though vast in height, and light divine, Jewels that glisten just like gold, and hang in the sky like a dove mid-flight, older then the story first ever told, shines and glistens this sacred light, Though she has no voice you may hear her sound, she’ll tell you no stories speak you no lies the wisdom in her songs so easily found, the truth more apparent as she rise, her maternal ways, a surprise to few, sighing lazily as she lays, a respect is found perfect and true the nights soft darkness lacking in sorrow, the hard crisp air full and sweet, and in its promise for tomorrow, the sky and land finally meet
slit my throat and hear me cry, what a sure way to die, the peace so absolute, so beautiful so sweet, Out of this life, I did so cheat my knife it gleams, with sweet blood lust, my blood hanging on it, appearing weathered with rust. so quiet an end, so quick its gone, but the moment lasts so long, like played in slow motion you see it all, from the first slit to when you fall, you’ve never seen as beautiful as this, and death lips you so deeply kiss, and as death swallows your heart, your doubts and fears slowly depart, eyes they shine bright like stars, and the no marks on your wrists, gone are the scars, a departure so kind, it’s mercies call, goodbye, farewell, ill miss you all
Calm is my mind as I take it in, to kill yourself, a horrid sin, though how can something so sweet be so wrong, something I’ve wanted for so long, the street below me rushing bye, this buildings never seemed so high, a signal to heaven, of which I can almost touch the pain so deep, its become to much but this jump such mercy, such a new free feel, how my heart sings out that this is real that soon my pain will soon stop, will finally end “I’m sorry” say your letter that I did send a final goodbye, is what I owe, but in my heart i’ll always know, that I loved you to much, it hurts to strong, I know deep down what I’m doing is wrong, but I am so selfish, I just need to die, a tear must not shed, I cant see you cry, but why would you cry for a monster like me, so black is my heart, so cruel I may be, for love is not an something that can be mine, its got to be a message a hidden sign, like a flower wilted from no rain, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, so sweet the air, the sound, the sky, farewell I love you, this is goodbye
How sweet the surrender, though the peace is dead, to be in love how sweet, though my curiosity fed, for the pain and the tears, and the heart that aches, is worth the joy that laughter, but not my spirit that breaks, and though life is filled with scents, sights and sounds, death is filled with quiet and numbing, no pain to be found, and though cowards will take the easy way out, and those so brave will only sit and pout, I may be a coward, though brave is my heart, but this pain to intense, from it I depart, so ill close my eyes and pray its real, as I swallow the pills I no longer feel, for this suicide so sweet, so sweet an end, and my knife so comforting, could be an old friend, though life held only pain, heartache and despair, death holds my peace, so please, take care
If I leave will this pain end, there’s nothing left here for me, no one to call a friend, for who lives to die, but dies to live? to take away the pain, is my gift to give, so I run this water to hot to calm, and I drag this razor along my wrist so long, close my eyes as my consciousness goes, how long I’ve had this longing no one knows. But now I’m gone, so sweet my sorrow. Goodbye my friend and have a pleasant tomorrow.
pull my hearts trigger, fire my gun, to end this pain, that just wont end, With no one beside me to call a friend, so serene the mercy, the numbing relief To calm myself and treasure my belief though the pain so rough and hard to bare, though the people whom when your crying stop and stare, my heart it breaks, and weeps in sorrow I shall never see another morrow, with one last step ill say goodbye, never again will I have to cry, the rope so soft against my neck, one more step to start the wreck, and now I’m dead so kind and calm how could I have ever lived so long?